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Jennifer Dillan Portland, Oregon United States Changing Gears Australia Leg 2005 New Rider

I was 36 years old when, shortly after weaning my daughter, I went to see my doctor about a "plugged milk duct". It never occurred to me that I had breast cancer although I see now the depth of my denial. My mother had had a double mastectomy the year before, and her beloved sister had died many years before at the tender age of 34 of the same disease. Still, I found it almost impossible to believe that it could happen to me. I thought I defied all the stereotypes.

I was diagnosed in the last week of September 2003, and had a mastectomy six days later. I have two small children. It was all I could do to keep it together for them. I had so little time to process what was going on for me emotionally. Just the flood of information about my physical state was overwhelming. I relied heavily on my sister and my husband to guide me through the tunnel.

My children, husband and I recently moved to Portland, Oregon from Seattle. The move on the heels of recovery has been a stressful, but I think, much needed one.  We have a much tighter social network now, and a slower pace of life. I work for a humanitarian relief organization, which brings me personal satisfaction too. I like to run, work on my house, and knit. I like the idea of knowing how to knit and ride a Harley. That seems like a balanced life to me.

I have been hungry for an event that celebrates that I made it through my breast cancer crisis; that ultimately it all turned out all right and the rest of my life awaits. I want to use this Changing Gears event not to erase that it happened but to wrap up yet another exciting chapter in my book of life. If anything undesirable happens to me again, I decided it should be a separate chapter.

It would be so idyllic to say that my experience shook loose all the debris from my life, that now I have complete clarity about every aspect of my life and that I now live every moment to the fullest. Alas, my inner world is not so tidy. For example, I hope this ride will loosen the noose of fear that has crept unexpectedly into my inner world. I used to not worry too much about whether the plane will crash, or my children will get hurt or my husband will get sick - but now I do.

This ride will undoubtedly push me outside my comfort zone - but this time it will be voluntary and fun. I am excited to travel to Australia, hang out with a bunch of determined women and relish the moments on the road with them. I also want my children to see that their mom is 'getting back on the horse'. Since I don't have a horse, I thought a Harley would do.

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