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Melissa Pantel-Ku
Chagrin Hills, Ohio
United States

 

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I am 36, married to my soulmate, and mom to a four-year-old boy and two-year-old girl. I was diagnosed in July 2004, and completed treatment in June 2005.

My father was diagnosed with breast cancer in 1994. It recurred in 1999, and he died of metastatic disease in 2001. When I asked my OB/GYNs if I was at higher risk for breast cancer, they were unconcerned with my family history. “When men get breast cancer, it’s a fluke,” said one. “Well, we should give you a baseline mammogram at 35,” said the other. At age 34, while nursing my six-month-old baby, I noticed a lump in my breast, and felt the most horrific sense of dread. Within two weeks, I received a diagnosis of cancer, and was enrolled in a clinical trial for those with “locally advanced” (Stage III) disease.

I know now that a family history of male breast cancer, and the fact that I am of Ashkenazi Jewish descent, should have been red flags for my physicians. I tested positive for a BRCA mutation, one that predisposes the bearer to developing breast and ovarian cancers at an early age. The anger that I feel toward the physicians who provided me with poor information is enormous. If I had been informed that I was at risk for carrying the mutation, I could have taken prophylactic steps to reduce my chances of developing breast cancer, or at least would have caught the cancer at an earlier stage, which would have given me a better prognosis.

But now, almost two years out from diagnosis, I am learning to let go of the anger, and to channel it in a positive direction. The Amazon Heart Odyssey is a wonderful opportunity for me, in that sense. And while I never would have wished to experience breast cancer at an early age, cancer has lit a much-needed fire under my rear end. I have always been committed to principles of social justice, but have rarely become involved in activities that further these principles. Confronting my mortality has forced me to confront what I wish my legacy to be. The world is in such great need of repair; simply to talk about how things should be is not enough. This Odyssey provides me with a chance to jump-start my engagement with causes that are important to me.

Oddly enough, one of the best things about cancer has been the experience of gut-wrenching grief and fear. Who would have thought this would be something positive!

But I am lucky to now experience its opposite – exhilarating joy – on a regular basis. The belly-laughs of my kids, good conversations with family and friends, a glimpse of a red fox roaming in our woods, the smell of the air in springtime: all of these things send my heart soaring. Whether I have 5 years or 55 years left, I am grateful for this unintended gift.

 

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