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Audra Outlaw
Austin, Texas
United States

 


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In 2002, I was diagnosed with locally advanced breast cancer.  I was 31 years old.  I had no family history and was in the prime of my life.  I had been married for 8 short months, had a new career and a new home.  First day of the rest of my life, right? 

When I felt the lump in my breast, I knew it was not normal.  It was not like the others that would come and go, or just seemed to be a part of my anatomy.  This was different.  It was hard and almost sharp.  It seemed to jut out.  I watched it for a few weeks and it did not go away.  Although I wasn’t alarmed, I went to the doctor.  He was not alarmed either, because of my age, but said they don’t take chances with lumps in the breast and told me to see a surgeon and have a mammogram.  Thank God for this doctor!  That is rarely the way that scenario plays out, as I have come to learn from other young survivors whose doctors turned them away.  I had the mammogram, and although we knew the lumps were there, they saw nothing.  I was sent for an ultrasound and, what do ya know, TWINS!  I had 2 lumps, one underneath the other and they were not regular cysts.  The radiologist asked when I was going to see the surgeon.  One week.  She suggested I move that appointment up as soon as possible. 

Six months later I had my last round of chemotherapy treatment.  Shortly after I had a bilateral mastectomy and reconstruction.  And I began to pick up the pieces of my life.  I had hit a huge wall depression, confusion, anger and fear.  I wasn’t expecting that.  I had been so active during treatment.  I immersed myself in the disease and treatment options.  I had built a new social circle that consisted of doctors and nurses and schedulers and pharmacists.  That had all come to an end and I didn’t know what to do with myself.  I was also now dealing with my battle wounds, including the devastating side effect of chemotherapy that left me infertile.   

I had become very active in the cancer community, volunteering and speaking with other newly diagnosed women.  I decided that continuing that would help me heal, and it has.  I competed in a triathlon 3 short months after my last surgery, making my physical self feel somewhat whole again.  I also realized that being with other survivors - reveling in our scars, our laughter, and our tears - can be the greatest healer of all.  In October 2004, I joined up with 23 amazing women as the van driver of the first ever Amazon Heart Changing Gears ride in California.  It was a time on my life that I will always cherish.  The memory only made more rosy by the fact that I was 4 months pregnant.  After almost 2 years of chemo-induced infertility, I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy named Gage.  He is now a year old and a bundle of giggles, blue eyes and curly blond hair. 

I look forward to making more memories with the Amazon Heart Odyssey in Montana.  Meeting more incredible survivors.  Participating in another incredible event put on by Megan and Meredith.  I also can’t wait for the opportunity to learn about the amazing culture of the Blackfeet Indians and to leave behind something for those children.

 

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